Worlds Apart Chapter 11

VERITAS

MADISON POV:

I don’t know what time it was when Dorian woke me up. All i know is that I woke up happy, waking up to him, knowing for sure that last night wasn’t just a dream. He kissed me.

DORIAN: “Good mornin’ beautiful”

MADISON: “Good morning”

DORIAN: “Come downstairs with me, i got a surprise for ya, c’mon”

He seemed excited, it was kinda weird i’d never seen him so hyper before. He rushed me out of bed and covered my eyes.

DORIAN:”Okay, okay ya can look now”

He uncovered my eyes and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The room was packed with gifts, shopping bags, shoe boxes, flowers, fucking heart balloons. Maybe I was still dreaming…

There was so much stuff. I turned to him and hugged him. No one had ever done anything like this for me before. It was like christmas.

MADISON: “This.. this is unbelievable. Thankyou so much, it is for me right?”

DORIAN: “Yeah, who else is it gonna be for? It ain’t mine”

I ran over and sat by the bags, eager to see everything inside of them. Each bag was probably worth more than I could make in a year, well maybe not that expensive but they weren’t cheap gifts, there is no way i’d be able to afford half of this stuff without having crippling debt to deal with. I was excited obviously… who honestly wouldn’t be excited? But… It was a little overwhelming. Okay, it was very overwhelming.

DORIAN: “Theres receipts for everythin’ if ya need to return any of it, I didn’t know ya size so I guessed for most of it”

DORIAN: “You okay? whats wrong don’t ya like any of it or somethin’?”

From what I had seen, the clothes were gorgeous, and he’d guessed my size pretty well, even the shoes were the right size. Everything was perfect, but it was too much at once. It was a grand gesture sure but it felt a little too grand.

MADISON: “No, no the clothes are fine, they’re better than fine, they’re perfect honestly. All of this is … perfect. It’s just… whats happened? why are you love bombing me all of a sudden? what is all of this for? “

DORIAN: ” ‘ Love bombin’ whatta ya talkin about?? Nah, Okay ya got me, listen, last night I came to the realization that I ain’t been straight with ya, I have some things I need to tell ya – important things, take these gifts as an apology cause, you probably ain’t gonna like what ya gonna be hearin’, alright and you probably won’t wanna stick around afterwards neither. “

MADISON: “What kind of … things? ”

My heart sank, dreading what he was going to say. It felt like an eternity passed after I’d asked him.

DORIAN: “Remember those guys who tried to whack ya the other night?”

MADISON: “Yeah, nearly being killed isn’t something that’s easily forgotten… what about them? “

This is what i’d wanted since that very night, answers. So why did it feel like it was a mistake, I could already feel regret spreading through my body. Part of me wanted to get up, and tell him that I didn’t want to hear, but I needed to know where he was going with this, even if I didn’t like the answers.

DORIAN: “Well they used to work for me, and I don’t know fo’ sure but I think my ex wife has somethin’ to do with it, cause she’s the only one who knew ya even existed but i’m still waitin’ on a lead cause those guys got whacked and it ain’t her style to do her own dirty work, like that anyway. I’m probably tellin’ ya more than I should here but y’know i’m tryin’ this whole honesty thing, and honestly its new to me. I ain’t had to do this before especially with a chick. Jus’ remember that alright.”

I was hearing the words but they just weren’t adding up, it didn’t make any sense, like I was only getting half a story. He sat down beside me. I was trying to fit the pieces together and find logic in any of it.

MADISON: “Why would your ex wife send them?”

DORIAN: “Cause shes a crazy bitch, haha there ain’t much more to it shes fucking wacko “

MADISON: “Why did you tell her about me if shes crazy, Dorian? What aren’t you telling me? Because this doesn’t make sense. What aren’t you telling me? “

DORIAN: “.. Okay. Remember when I told ya I was gettin’ a divorce, well I might ‘a jumped the gun a bit, but I AM gettin’ a divorce now. Really. I’m just waitin’ on her signin’ the papers and all that stuff y’know. Anyways- “

MADISON: “Wait.. did you divorce your wife.. because of me?”

DORIAN: “Well .. yeah.. Nahh.. Kinda. I mean it wasn’t a great marriage to begin y’know, so it ain’t some great loss.”

MADISON: “Thats not the point. I told you from the start that I didn’t want to be a ‘side chick’ and you made me a fucking side chick! “

DORIAN: “You ain’t a side chick, i’ve had side chicks, mistresses what ever ya wanna call em, i’ve had em, but you ain’t one of them, don’t lump ya self in with them, cause you ain’t them, Madison. “

MADISON: “No, I’m a fucking homewrecker instead. I’m the ‘side chick’ that ruins marriages and guessing by the hit men, this divorce wasn’t mutual? You got anymore things that you probably should have brought up before? Do you have kids?.. Dorian? Do you have kids because, i’m not being the girl who broke up a whole family. No way am I being ‘that’ person.”

DORIAN: “What? No. I don’t have kids with her. We ain’t been married long, Madison, we didn’t even get married for the right reasons, you ain’t ruined anythin’, and ya can’t break whats already broken, y’know. Yeah she was pretty upset about it all but she ain’t a good person like you, if it was the other way round she wouldn’t give a shit. She just takes whatever the fuck she wants and it don’t matter who she hurts. Shes a fucking psychopath that woman, I mean for fucks sake Madi, She most likely tried to have ya killed, don’t sympathize with that bitch”

MADISON: “I can’t help but sympathize with her Dorian. You say your marriage was already broken, but here you are with me, showering me with gifts and making the effort you should have been making with her. If she can hire hit men who work for you, she clearly knows that side of your life more than I do, how can you just discard someone like that… like they mean nothing to you? “

DORIAN: “Because she does mean nothin’ to me. She knows that part of my life because she was born into it, her dad was my boss and he’s the only reason we got married to begin with. I didn’t have to tell her nothin’, she already knew. The stuff I told you, the personal stuff, she don’t know any of that, i’ve told you more stuff than i’ve told anyone, okay. It ain’t like me to do any of this shit, I don’t care about Donnatella, I care about you.”

I felt my throat closing up, my chest hurt and i could feel the tears starting to form. The air felt heavy, like i was going to suffocate. I wanted to hate him after everything i’d just heard but I couldn’t. Why was I so weak. It would be easier to leave, get out of this all now, but I couldn’t, I cared about him. Despite the lies and half truths, I still found myself making excuses for him like ‘at least he told me early in the relationship’ and ‘at least he told me the truth now” but he hadn’t he was still holding things back. I headed outside”

DORIAN: “Where are ya goin?”

MADISON: “I need some fresh air”

DORIAN: “what? are you crazy or somethin’ Its rainin’ you ain’t exactly dressed for it y’know”

He was right, all I was wearing was one of his shirts, hell, it wasn’t even buttoned and I didn’t even have any shoes on my feet, but i didn’t care. I felt numb, a little rain isn’t going to make a lick of difference.

DORIAN: “What? you ignorin’ me now? whatta ya doin’ ya gonna get sick if ya go out there are you stupid?!”

He followed me out instantly. The rain was heavy, and cold, I couldn’t tell what was rain and what were tears anymore, the city looked a lot prettier last night, sure there were buildings painted with bright colors but everything just looked dull and gray.

DORIAN: “C’mon Madison, what ya bein’ like this for? Come back inside”

He moved closer like he was gonna pull me back inside, I backed away. I didn’t want to go back inside yet. I hated to admit it but I was feeling jealous. I was jealous of this woman ‘Donnatella’ who knew all the stuff that he refused to tell me. I hated feeling jealous, I’d always tried to avoid it, but I can’t help it. I grew up poor as hell envying the kids who could afford clothes that weren’t second hand, I was jealous of all the kids who’s mothers actually loved them, I was jealous of the kids who had normal looking parents who ‘fit’ in, the ones that didn’t get bullied for being the daughter of the town crazy. I was jealous of all the girls who had big groups of friends, the girls who got asked to prom. It had been years since i’d felt jealousy like this.

MADISON: “Do you want this to become something, Dorian?”

DORIAN: “Of course I do, why are ya aksin’ me, you already know how I feel about ya, don’t cha ? Just come back inside please.”

MADISON: “I don’t want to come back inside, I want this to work too, but it’s not going to if I can’t TRUST you”

DORIAN: “Whaddya want from me, I told ya about the hit men, I told ya about my marriage, I’ve told ya everythin’ what else is there to fuckin tell ya, y’know”

The green eyed monster was screaming out inside of me.

MADISON: “No, you haven’t told me everything.. Are you in the mafia?”

It was the only way I could trust him, he’s been dodging the “are you mafia?” question for the longest time, If he can just tell me this ONE tiny thing and not lie through his teeth…. That…. Thats what I needed to hear. I already knew he was, Elma had told me a long time ago, and the goon squad who came to kill me made it pretty obvious. It was clear to see but I needed to hear it from him.

DORIAN: “Hypothetically if I was to tell you anythin’ how do I know you ain’t just gonna go to the cops about it? Get ya self booked in some witness protection and then send me down the fucking river? huh. It’s not a conversation to be taken lightly y’know”

MADISON: “If I was going to go to the police, don’t you think I would have done it when you tried to kill me the night we met. Dorian.. I coulda called the cops on those guys that broke in, but I didn’t because I believed in YOU. You were on your way and I KNEW you were going to save me. I just knew it.. you know why? Because I trusted you. I haven’t done anything to you that would make me untrustworthy. So just tell me. TRUST me Dorian, because whats the point in a relationship without trust? huh?”

DORIAN: “Fuck, I do trust you! But it ain’t about trust its about me getting a fuckin’ bullet for tellin ya this stuff and its about not making you a fuckin’ accessory after the fact, If you know anythin’ about that side of my life it means that any big balls cop or even worse, some fucking fed can come in and threaten to send you down, just for knowin’ what you know. It ain’t about how much I trust ya, its about protection for us both. Do ya get that? D’ya understand what I’m sayin’ to ya?”

I moved closer to him. I felt tired. I was tired of excuses, no matter how valid they were.

MADISON: “I understand that. But i’m not asking for an in depth explanation of it all, I don’t need to know every tiny detail, i just want a straight answer to my question. I just need to hear it straight from you.. Are you in the mafia?”

He hugged me close. I resisted the urge to hug him back.

DORIAN: “If I tell ya, will you come back inside already”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t answering anything until he answered me. This was serious, it wasn’t getting swept away under the rug again, no subject changing, no diversions or distractions. I know it was petty, but this was the ultimatum. If he couldn’t answer a simple question then…. then it would be over.

DORIAN: “Yeah. Okay. I am”

Before even had chance to react, my feet had left the ground, I felt the warmth of the apartment as he carried me inside over his shoulder.

MADISON: “C’mon put me down, put me down Dorian”

We were both soaking wet, I don’t know whether it was because I finally had closure or if it was just from coming back inside, but i was freezing. It hadn’t bothered me at all outside but now I could feel my teeth chattering. The numbness and the heartache was gone, now I was just freezing. He hugged me tight, this time I hugged back. The wave of jealousy subsided, it felt like i’d been possessed. I hated feeling jealous, but I felt better knowing the truth. A terrifying truth… but the truth nonetheless.

DORIAN: “Don’t be that fuckin’ stupid again, whats wrong with ya. If you get sick thats on you! ya fuckin’ crazy.”

MADISON: “Just be honest with me from now on….okay.”

DORIAN: “whaddya mean from now on?”

MADISON: “erm… I meant what i said, be honest with me from now on, i’m not sayin’ I want the whole truth and nothin’ but the truth, but i don’t want anymore big secrets. If this is going to work I don’t want any nasty surprises down the road.”

DORIAN: “You still wanna try and make this work? After all this? Now you know everythin’ ya still wanna be with a bum like me huh?. You really are wacko, y’know that right?”

MADISON: “You aren’t a bum, and don’t get me wrong, i’m going to need a few days, I need some time to process everything a little more, but yeah I still want to make this work. Just promise, no more secrets…”

DORIAN: “Promise.. hey, uh. I’ve been meanin’ to ask.. Its my moms funeral in a few days, will ya come with me?”

MADISON: “I wouldn’t miss it. Hopefully theres something black in one of those bags because I don’t have anything to wear to any sort of fancy funeral.”

DORIAN: “It don’t matter what ya wear. My ma woulda loved ya. You should probably get changed though now cos ya wet through.”

He was right, yesterdays clothes were in the wash, so I found an outfit out from the bags. I’d imagined wearing some of the clothes being a lot more fun. Knowing they were ‘apology’ gifts had kinda tainted the whole thing. I was still grateful but on some level it felt wrong.

When I came back from changing my outfit I found Dorian sat on the floor by the counters. It was weird. He looked kinda worried. The same sort of worry I saw after we’d been at the hospital. I sat beside him.

MADISON: “You okay? look i’m sorry about all that out there. I don’t know what happened I just got so jealous and I lost control of myself a little”

DORIAN: “Nah, nah don’t worry about it. We all go a little crazy sometimes right?”

MADISON: “Right, so did you watch psycho recently or something because thats the second reference you’ve made to psycho. You gonna tell me whats up or do I need to go out in the rain again haha… I’m joking, of course. What happened?”

DORIAN: “I saw my mom last night, but she wasn’t my mom, she was some crazy demon thing, i don’t know what the fuck it was but she told me stuff Madison.”

MADISON: “Well what did she say? I’m sure what ever it was its okay. It was just a dream”

DORIAN: “NO. no. It wasn’t a dream, because I ain’t fucking slept since it happened. It was fucking real Madison, and I can’t even remember it all it was confusin’ stuff like she was talkin’ crap for the most part but she told me that I wasn’t gonna bring you anything but pain, and i needed to tell ya the truth basically. Apparently I ain’t no good for ya and all that”

MADISON: ” Pain is part of life, it’ll happen Dorian but you’ll also make me happy like you do now, I mean, I’m glad you told me the truth and everything but I wouldn’t pay too much attention to what got said. Its not been long since you lost your mom, you ever thought that it might all just be grief?”

DORIAN: “I guess… Maybe. It could be grief but it felt so fucking real Mad, I mean she held me up by my throat and everythin’ y’know. You ever see a christmas carol or read it? well it was like I was scrooge, and I got visited by the ghost of Cuntmass future. Ya know. It was fuckin’ mental”

MADISON: “Have you thought about maybe seeing a grief counselor or a therapist maybe? Tony Soprano did it. You could too. ”

DORIAN: “Yeah but Tony Soprano isn’t real mad, if i was to go blabbin’ to a shrink then i’d get popped faster than a fuckin’ balloon in a needle factory. y’know. Talkin to a shrink ha, I might as well go straight to the fucking feds cause its the same difference.”

He stood up and lit a cigarette, I stood too.

DORIAN: “Besides, I don’t need a shrink. Glad to see the clothes fit by the way, listen I hate to rush ya but we should get goin sometime soon. Some stuff came up that i gotta take care off. Business stuff. Maybe next time ya here i’ll show ya the city. If the weathers better by then anyways. Feels like this rain’s never gonna stop.”

MADISON: “yeah, thankyou again, they fit great and it’s okay, I have class tomorrow anyway and it’ll be good to spend time with Elma. you know, just have a nice, quiet night. Not that last night wasn’t amazing! Because it was! BU-“

DORIAN: “Don’t sweat it, chill out. I had a great night too.”

MADISON: “Next time i’m here, i’d love to see the city by the way”

We both stood looking out of the kitchen window, it was still gray like before but it didn’t feel as hopeless anymore. Warmth spread over me. It was such a simple moment, but it was good. Knowing that we were probably gonna be looking out of this same window again one day, after a good day and the skies would be clear. It was stupid really, but it was one of those little things.

MADISON: “It can’t rain forever”

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