Carpe Diem

I woke up to the sounds of birds chirpin’, real loud. Everythin’ else was quiet. No sound from the club, or even cars.
Y’know when ya wake up and you have no idea where ya are or what time it is, it was one of those times. Huh. Madison is still here, I thought she woulda left as soon as I fell asleep. I checked my watch; shit. 6:30 am. I didn’t wanna wake her up, she looked peaceful to say she’d spent the night on a sofa. I ached all over, it wasn’t made for two people to sleep on that’s for sure.

I woke up to Dorian stroking my hair, it was weird.. I felt safe. I felt safe with the guy who tried to shoot me last night. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know its cliché but I felt something last night, a connection I dont know if he felt it. Earlier in the night I would have probably said no but you didn’t have the conversations with him that I had. But then again.. who knows who he’s “let in” before.. for all I know it could have all been an act and he tells everyone this sort of thing. By the time we got through the club and into the carpark the paranoia had completely taken hold of me.

DORIAN: “D’ya need a lift home?”
His voice broke through my thoughts.
MADISON: “My cars here, but thanks”
DORIAN: “THAT is your car? ye i’m  gettin’ ya  a new one”
MADISON: ” I don’t want a new car, my dad gave me this one”

Sure my pick-up truck had seen better days, It was my dads and he gave it me for college before he was institutionalized. I’d briefly mentioned this to Dorian last night. He dropped the new car thing pretty sharpish afterwards. He was being nice and I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was an act. It had to be, he tried to shoot me without any hesitation. I kept getting flashbacks of the gun, of him pulling that trigger. I was so fucking stupid. Its time to leave and forget him. I was almost at my car when his voice pulled me back in.

DORIAN: ” wait ya just gonna leave? Without sayin anything?”
I sighed. Don’t respond, don’t respond. Just get in the car, drive off, never come back to Oasis springs.
MADISON: “What is there to say? That I like you”

Madison, you’re an idiot. That wasn’t the plan at all.

DORIAN: “.. Uhm I meant like bye or somethin’ but you ain’t so bad yourself.
MADISON: “Not so bad. okay well bye then”
DORIAN: “What the fuck did I do? ”
MADSION: “Well apart from trying to kill me, you fired me and then told me loads of bullshit. You can’t try to kill someone and then do a 180 and be a nice guy it doesn’t make sense, how many people have you “opened up” to like this? huh? I don’t trust you that’s whats up.”
DORIAN: “Ya really think that i’d have the rep I have if I told every person I met the shit I told you. Really?! Stop bein’ so paranoid and fucking think logically. Ya think grown men would literally piss their pants when they see me if I was spoutin’ off this soft shit 24/7 ?”

That was true but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.
MADISON: “How do I know that you aren’t just saying this stuff to get in my pants?”
He groaned.
DORIAN: “eurggh. What the fuck do you want me to say Madison? How ’bout i’m married but i’m getting a divorce how about that? If I wanted to get in ya pants would I tell ya that? If I wanted to fuck ya there are easier ways for me to do it. I didn’t have ya down as the paranoid type. Look I wanna get home sometime today and I reckon you do too, gimme ya number i’ll call ya sometime.
MADISON: “Whatever, you would have probably never told me that if I hadn’t grilled you about it.. My phones dead I don’t know my number. Besides I’m not interested in being anyones side piece”

He got out a pen and wrote his number down on my hand.

DORIAN: “I’m getting a divorce; ya won’t be a side piece. Besides, you were the one who said ya liked me and started talkin’ bout gettin’ into pants. not me”

MADISON: “Well I guess I should go now before I embarass myself any further right? yeaaaahh I’ll see you around ”

Before I knew it he’d pulled me back into a kiss, I was shocked but i’d be lying if I said i didn’t enjoy it.

MADISON: “what the hell was that about? ”
DORIAN: ” Ain’t it obvious? I like you too. Text me.”

It was time to go home, the drive from Oasis Springs was about an hour and half, It was good to be home. Elma ambushed me as soon as I got home.
ELMA: “Thank fuck you’re okay!! I thought you were dead Mad . I thought i’d never see you again!”
MADSION: “Have you been up all night?? sorry i didn’t get in touch Elma, a lot of stuff happened and my phone died I’m so sorry I worried you. let me get outta these clothes and I’ll make some hot chocolate yeah?  ”

I changed into my pj’s and put my phone on charge. I felt so bad, I completely forgot about Elma.

MADISON: “Here ya go, I am so sorry ! ”
ELMA: “no its okay , I’m just glad you’re alive honestly. I felt so guilty cos I sent you up there! You never came back down and you weren’t there at closing time, I was too scared to go check. What the hell happened? Did you get the job back?”

MADISON: “Yeah I kinda fell asleep up there, and no I didn’t get the job back but he said he’s got me whatever that means right? ”
ELMA: “He’s got you? Sounds like he owns you.. what happened up there? Did ya fuck him?
MADISON: “What why would I do that? and no, no he doesn’t own me I think he just meant he was gonna help me get another job or something”

ELMA: “Because you’re female.. and i don’t know Mad it sounds a lot like ownership. What happened up there because if you didn’t sleep together and he didn’t kill you then that’s weird.
MADISON: “why is it weird? We just talked. Thats all.”

I didn’t want to tell Elma how close I came to dying, she was too upset already.

ELMA: “you TALKED?… you’re bullshitting me. He doesn’t ‘talk’, I’ve known him a long time he went to my high school and he was an asshole there too! what did you talk about? Theres something you aren’t telling me Madison.. I can tell ”
MADISON: “hey he’s not that bad , I mean he is kinda an asshole but he’s not all bad, we talked about lots of stuff mostly his life and his mom, it was kinda nice”

ELMA: “It sounds like you’ve caught feelings.. I mean this in the kindest way, because you are my BFF but are you an idiot.?”
MADISON: “Okay whatever, I’m not having this conversation, i’m going to bed”

I didn’t want  to hear this. She followed me into our room. I braced myself expecting her to harass me more about it but thankfully she didn’t.

ELMA: “Look, Mad. I know the appeal, trust me i’ve been there, i played with fire and I got burnt. You don’t know Oasis Springs like I do and honestly you can be pretty naive sometimes and I worry about you, I’m your BFF and I’m always gonna be here for you. I don’t think getting involved with him is a good idea, but if you wanna go for it, go for it. I’ll be here for you when it falls apart. ”

MADISON: “Thanks El, if its a mistake then its a mistake.. I think its about time i started living my life right? whats that saying with the fish?”
ELMA: ” Carpe diem… Seize the day? ”

MADISON: “Right that’s the one, can you help me dye my hair tomorrow? I fancy a change and i’ve never dyed it before ” 
ELMA: “erm sure, what color were you thinking? ”
MADISON : “I heard blondes have more fun”

Fuck. I wish i’d stayed at the club the last thing i needed right now was this cunt screamin’ in my face.
DORIAN: I think maybe we should get a divorce…

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