Hide & Seek
I wouldn’t trade it for the world but it feels so good to finally kick back and relax. it’s rare i actually get any ME time between, dealing with the kids and dealing with Dorian and working. Its took me like, at least 5 months just to get half way through this book, but my kids are my world so it’s just part of being a mom.
My eldest daughter Liberty reminds me so much of myself when i was her age, she’s even got the same braces. Yeah that’s right I had braces, they used to call me metal mouth Madi among other things. Life has changed a lot for me since I was Liberty’s age though, but one of the biggest changes in my life happened around that time too…
KRISTY: “Yea, that’s nice hun.”
MADISON: “You didn’t even LOOK ma”
She sighed the loudest sigh I’ve ever heard even to this day.
KRISTY: ” Naw I saw kid, you wanna play hide n seek with me kid?”
MADISON: “Ma I’ve not played hide n seek since i was tiny”
KRISTY: “Well ya still tiny, c’mon you count and i’ll go hide”
MADISON: “Uh fine ma, what should I count to?”
KRISTY: “Awh don’t worry about that none, i’ll holla when i’m ready for you to come find me”
KRISTY: ” You ruined my life sweetie, i’m leaving and i’m never coming back”
MADISON: “i love you mommy please , please don’t go”
KRISTY: “You had to peek didn’t you kid, you had to FUCKING peep, You are pathetic, if i had to sit through another “GyMnAsTiC pErFoRmAnCe” i’d blow my brains out kid”
MADISON: “Why are you being so mean to me? What did I do wrong? I’ll be better i promise, PLEASE MA don’t leave me, i need you, I love you ”
KRISTY: ” ‘i LoVe YoU MaMmy’ Yip yip yip what the FUCK is wrong with YOU. I wish you’d never been born”
MADISON: “Ma’s gone dad. She’s gone.”
He didn’t even look at me, it was all my fault and we both knew it.
NIXON: “I know Madz, i know”
Then he went back to his silence. I felt too guilty to stay inside.
I cried to myself outside, and tried to wish myself out of existence, anything to bring her back and make dad happy again.
It was hours before iI heard the door go and my Dads heavy footsteps on the front porch.
NIXON: “you gonna come inside madz, its getting dark sweetie”
MADISON:” I’m so sorry Dad its all my fault”
NIXON: “No no no don’t you ever think that! Its my fault”
Later in my life I learn’t that Mom just really hated kids and never really wanted to have me , I was just an accident that made her life miserable. She taught me one thing though; She taught me that no matter what, i’d not let a day go by where i didn’t show my kids how much they mean to me, and i promised myself I would never hurt them like she hurt me.
MADISON: “I’m so lucky to have you Lib, I love you so much.
LIBERTY: “I love you too mom, why you bein’ a weirdo”