A few days past after Ace and I had decided it would never work for us to be more than friends, the first day was awkward as fuck but afterwards when I wasn’t at work we did what we always did.. we jammed. One thing ace and I had always had in common was music. I always found guitarists sexy, my instrument of choice was always piano.
I’d got a keyboard from a pawn shop; it was the closest I could find to the one my dad had. Things were just chilled yanno? We’d jam and then smoke some weed, in a lotta ways it was better than before, but I’d forgotten one little thing; Nightmares.
LUNA: *Screams* I woke up in a sweat, before i could even think Ace was at my side.
ACE: fuck Luna, sounded like a bad’un, i think ya just woke the whole ‘hood up you inconsiderate fuck.
This one was more graphic than usual.. I didn’t even smile nevermind laugh.
ACE: okay i get it that was a shit joke.
Luna: Just leave me alone okay.
i snapped at him, i felt shit for doing it but i just wanted the world to go away.
ACE: Yeeesh. Okay grumpy. If ya wanna sleep in my room the doors open Luna
he said as he disappeared from my room. I sat for a moment. That nightmare had shook me more than usual, and for some reason i never had ’em when I was next to him. FUCK IT. I may as well.
y’know how it goes though, when ya love someone as more than a friend its not as simple as just sleeping in the same bed as em.
ACE: WOW. you took your time.
LUNA: yeah I guess i just couldn’t resist you.
Sarcasm laced my voice as I snuggled up to him, there was something comforting about him. We talked shit until we fell asleep; the deep kinda conversations you only have with your lover.
I guess we could work. It became a regular thing, i’d sleep in his bed,
we’d talk about our dreams and goals, our passions. I had to resist the urge to fuck him or even kiss him. After I’d told him we never work it would have been a dick move to be like ‘ yeah Ace i changed my mind lets fuck’ I mean.. what if he didn’t wanna yanno. I’d rather spare myself the embarrassment.
12th June. I woke up to find Ace wasn’t there, it was weird, he never woke up before me. EVER. I dragged myself out of bed to find him in the living room.
Dressed in a suit. It was hella weird.
ACE: OH you’re awake finally. Jeez Luna you lazy bastard.
Luna: Ha says you! What’s with the get up?! Ya going snob on me all of a sudden Mister Goth? Do i have to start calling you Sidney?
ACE: ahahah please don’t !… Ever. Its a special occasion dickhead.
The table was stacked, with presents and a vase of sunflowers.. my favourite. How had i forgotten my own damn birthday.
ACE: besides you’ll be looking just as snobby as me soon.
He nodded towards the stack of gifts.
I sat beside him on the sofa, he looked good. The guy cleaned up well.
LUNA: how the fuck did you remember my birthday… cos i sure didn’t.
ACE: How could I forget it, I lo- like you Lune. You’re great when you aren’t being a total bitch. Happy 20th Birthday.
I pretended I didn’t hear his fuck up; but I heard it. Loud and clear. He fucking loved me still! I could make this work. HELL maybe i’ll settle down with him. Get a house in the suburbs aha, get married have a family. The stuff normal kids dream about. I shot a smile his way as I got a cigarette, then i noticed he’d hijacked the lighter.
Luna: Oi, gimme the lighter man
Ace: What lighter ?
he smiled at me, he’s woke up mischievous, great! I tried to grab the lighter and ended up on top of him as he moved the lighter out of my reach. Looking into his blue eyes, i saw a happy future for the first time in a long time.
ACE: ahem, go try on your presents, i reserved us a table at a nice place; and seen as you decided to have the longest lay in EVER, we don’t have much time.
I awkwardly got up, he followed me, pulling me in for a hug before i went into my room to change.
ACE: you deserve the best Lune.
He whispered in my ear; FUCK knows what he meant.
The dress was gorgeous and fit me like a glove, I wore the necklace he’d bought me with it and put on my best pair of heels. I tied my hair up. Gotta look the part right. Ace loved me and we could make this work.
ACE: wow, you clean up good ahahah. c’mon lets go or we’ll never get there.
he winked at me; its fucking stupid but it gave me goosebumps. The good kinda goosebumps. I was being such a fucking school girl. I grabbed his hand nervously and i fucking kid you not I nearly died when he held it back.
The place was amazing, a real fancy place! I’d never been anywhere like this before. My eyes soaked in the scenery, i could see the whole damn city. How the fuck did Ace afford this?! I wish I had asked but despite the questions and the scenery all i could do for that whole dinner was just think about the future. Y’know. I loved him, he loved me, we could make it work if we tried right? it would be perfect. I could be happy…
After we got back to the apartment I felt his arm wrap around me; he picked me up like he did the night I met him. We both looked into the mirror on the wall in front of us;
I kissed him, the next thing i knew we were fucking. No not fucking.. This felt like nothing i’d experienced before; i’d fucked a lotta guys and i’d fucked Ace. This wasn’t ya usual fuck. It felt.. different.
I was happy.. was this REAL LOVE?
Things soon went to shit the next day; I woke up alone again. But this time I found Ace swearing at the power box.
ACE: FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
LUNA: what’s wrong?
ACE: The fucking power keeps going out and the FUCKING LANDLORD isn’t answering his fucking phone. FOR FUCKS SAKE!
LUNA: Chill man; it’ll get sorted, he’s probably busy.
ACE: WHATEVER, I’m going out. FUCK THIS!
He slammed the door behind him; i hated seeing him angry, it didn’t suit him one bit. The day just kept getting better when i got a call from the club; apparently some customer wasn’t happy about my ” extra options” they’d took it to the manager and he’d got paranoid.Didn’t want any cops sniffing about so he told me not to bother coming in. GREAT. Fuck. So Ace was pissed off and i just lost my job and it was only 1pm. Today was gonna be awesome. I didn’t see Ace again until about 9 pm.
Y’know when all ya dreams get shattered all at once? Well thats what happened as soon as I saw that Ace hadn’t come home alone.. I’d rushed to the entrance as soon as i heard the door, in the mirror i saw some fucking tramp kissing him, he was holding her like he held me. SO MUCH FOR FUCKING LOVE!
Tears filled my eyes and i knew at that moment only one thing could help me, the only thing that i knew loved me unconditionally. So I rummaged through my draws for Benny’s number. He was over within the hour. Benny was a dealer, but he dealt a lot harder stuff than Ace, all i said was bring me some stuff and i’ll make it worth it.
Benny had always wanted to get in my pants! I didn’t mind giving the creep a quick fuck for some dope.
After he’d gone, i sunk the needle into my skin, I felt it take me over as I laid down.
Ace wasn’t my happiness, All i needed was heroin. It’s all I ever needed. Heroin doesn’t fuck you over half as much as love.